Ms Belinda Namutebi, in her article published in the Daily Monitor of September 16, titled, ‘Doctors, please touch us again’, wrote about how doctors of old used to listen with their ears, look at the patient with their eyes and most important of all touch the hurting body, with a hand on the forehead, a stethoscope on the chest, a feel of the belly, among others.
Unlike these days where all you see is a white coat behind a mac computer screen separating you from the physician who types away while you talk, never standing up to touch the patient or looking up to make eye contact. And she was right. But that is just the tip of the iceberg.
Bessel Van Der Kolk in his book, The Body Keeps The Score, says the most natural way that we humans calm down our distress is by being touched, hugged and rocked. This makes us feel intact, safe, protected and in charge.
Now you see why Belinda’s article touched many people. Touch is essential in life. Not just the doctor’s touch. Unless the doctor is your housemate. This touch talk reminded me of a Facebook entry I made a couple of years back. Let me share it here. If you saw it, pretend like you are reading it for the first time.
‘Where I am from, greeting for girls consists of kneeling and smiling or pretend-smiling and saying hello to the elder. Sometimes, the said elder might offer a stiff side hug or pat on the back with big, rough hands.
If memory serves me right, hugging as a form of greeting was officially introduced to my family by two of my six siblings when they returned from their first term at the then fancy and famous Namasagali College. Before that, I do not remember us hugging each other. The only hugs I remember were visited upon us by a couple of rich aunties and uncles who when they came to our place would hug us.
One, (uncle Martin) would kiss our little cheeks and I remember feeling particularly pleased with my little Primary Two self after being pecked on the cheeks. I think that is why more than 20 years later, when he lay on his deathbed in a ward in Mulago Hospital with no voice because cancer had invaded his body, I would greet him with a kiss on his cheeks and he would smile back with his eyes. Away from that though, I do not recall a lot of public display of affection in our household. That is
of course until Angella and Stella went to Sagali College. Suddenly, people in the house were hugging, hugging us. It felt so foreign and weird, like we were kwekozaring.
In fact, hugging some of my siblings still kinda does. The only time I remember hugging my father was in S.6 vacation. I was 18. When he returned with my UACE results, I had performed really well and he was pleased. We hugged. I think that was the first and last time.
My mama, well, we now hug multiple times when we meet but I do not remember us hugging that much as a child. I think the over hugging now is to make up for lost time. So I guess I have Fr Grimes to thank for normalizing hugging in our household.’
I wrote that in 2022. Now I realise that hugging and other forms of touch are not simply sentimental but are actually essential for wellbeing. So, go hug someone.
If you have annoyed everyone in your circle and no one will touch you with a 20 meter pole, book a slot at the nearest spa and get a good professional therapeutic massage.
Please note, I am not talking about those immoral massages offered to male customers at hair salons these days or the dingy lodges that now identify as massage parlors. Also, forced hugs do not count. Stop forcing people to hug you. Go hug a tree or something.
After taking care of yourself, please hug your children as many times as you can and for as long as you can and save us all the trouble of having to live with angry, perpetually distressed adults in the future.