Women, why do they push men so?
Men, why do they let women push them so?
Is it low self esteem or pure evil?
She is flat-chested.
He is not muscular.
Her waist has disappeared.
He has no six-pack.
Indeed, he has only one party-pack.
She’s too frontally endowed.
Her backside cannot be used to play badminton.
He is too big down there.
He’s just a bit bigger than a thumb.
Ah, what am I going to do with you guys?
Must we taunt each other to death?
When vanity books an appointment with the surgeon, Death sometimes gets invited too. Another death has occurred because someone or many someones goaded and pushed a man to increase the length and breadth of his thing, via surgery, from thumb size to plantain size. Oh lordy!
Seriously, there are some things in life that should come with a warning:
‘Please, think again.’
Buying a red dress? Think again if you cannot afford it.
Marrying a man because he has a Range Rover? Think again, what if the Range Rover belongs to his friend.
Taking a second wife because the first wife is now smarter than when you married her. Think. Think. THINK!
But apparently, when it comes to the human body and certain sizes of some body parts, some people simply don’t wanna think at all.
They see a stomach and say, ‘Tuck it.’
They see a backside and say, ‘Lift it.’
They see a breast and say, ‘Increase it.’
They see a penis and say, ‘Enlarge it.’
And somewhere in the background, the poor body is screaming:
‘Madam! Sir! What exactly was wrong with me?’
This week, we have been reminded in the most brutal way possible that cosmetic enhancement is not always a harmless appointment at the beauty salon.
British-Nigerian businessman and influencer Igho ‘Tiny’ Ubiribo, 43, died in Bangkok after undergoing a penile enlargement procedure. According to evidence reported from a London coroner’s inquest, about 40ml of hyaluronic acid and lidocaine had been injected into his penis. Afterwards, he developed chest pain and collapsed. He was taken to hospital, but could not be revived after prolonged CPR. The coroner concluded that he died from a pulmonary embolism caused by the filler procedure, and post-mortem examination reportedly found material consistent with the filler in his lungs.
Just pause there.
A man went looking for a bigger penis and ended up in a celebrity coffin.
That sentence is painful to write. A mother carried him in her body for nine months. So, how did ‘ordinary filler’ kill him? Maybe the human body is not designed to accommodate filler like the body of a car about to be painted.
History shows that from ancient times, men in parts of Africa and Asia used weights, stretching and other painful methods to enlarge the penis. Later centuries brought herbs, manual exercises and mechanical devices, as the pursuit of greater size persisted across cultures. Modern medicine has merely changed the instruments: vacuum pumps, surgery, implants and injectable fillers have replaced-or supplemented-the old weights and stretches.
Medical liiterature already tells us that injectable genital fillers can, in rare cases, cause catastrophic complications. A published forensic case told of a 56-year-old man who died after penile enlargement with a hyaluronic-acid product; investigators found the injected material in vessels in his lungs. Another study of genital aesthetic filler complications documented pulmonary embolism and reported seven deaths among the cases reviewed.
However, this is not an argument against every cosmetic procedure.
It is an argument against taking surgery as casually as changing your hairstyle.
Because surgery is surgery, whether it is BBL or open-heart, even when the surgeon calls it ‘a little enhancement.’
Look at how the BBL took over our backyards.
If the penis enlargement story is the new shocker, the Brazilian Butt Lift, popularly called BBL, has been giving medical professionals sleepless nights for years.
The idea sounded innocent in the beginning.
‘Take fat from where I don’t want it and put it where I want it.’
Ah!
If only the human body were a piece of furniture.
Unfortunately, fat can enter blood vessels and travel to the lungs, causing a potentially fatal fat embolism.
A major CDC investigation into cosmetic-surgery deaths among U.S. citizens in the Dominican Republic found 93 reported deaths between 2009 and 2022. In 24 fatal cases from 2019-2020 for which detailed medical records were available, liposuction had been performed in every case, gluteal fat transfer in 22, tummy tuck in 14 and breast augmentation in 11. Autopsies attributed 11 of 20 deaths to fat embolism and seven to pulmonary venous thromboembolism.
Now, before all the women carrying beautiful bottoms start cancelling their lives, let us be medically fair.
BBL is not a death sentence.
Modern safety measures, including techniques designed to keep fat in the safer superficial layer and the use of ultrasound guidance, have improved safety considerably. Recent research has found very encouraging safety results with ultrasound-guided techniques.
The point is simply this:
A BBL is surgery, not divine intervention.
You cannot enter a clinic at 10 a.m. with the body God gave you and assume you will automatically leave at 2 p.m. with the body Instagram promised you.
And then there is the tummy tuck
Ah, the famous tummy tuck.
The stomach that has survived pregnancy.
The stomach that has survived age.
The stomach that has survived amala, pounded yam, rice, shawarma, chin-chin, Christmas and three decades of Nigerian parties.
Suddenly one morning, its owner looks in the mirror and declares:
‘This stomach must go.’
Fine.
But abdominoplasty is major surgery.
The CDC data mentioned earlier found tummy tucks in 14 of those 24 fatal cosmetic-surgery cases examined for 2019-2020. Again, that does not mean tummy tucks routinely kill people. It means serious complications can occur, particularly when major procedures are combined. And therein lies another problem.
‘Since I’m already under anaesthesia…’
This sentence has probably caused more trouble than some Nigerian politicians.
‘I’ll do the tummy.’
‘Since I’m already there, do the breasts.’
‘Since the breasts are being done, add the backside.’
‘And while you’re at it, remove the fat from my thighs.’
Madam, are you renovating a human being or renovating a three-bedroom bungalow?
Medical investigations have found that an average of three cosmetic procedures were performed on each of the 24 fatal cases earlier mentioned.
The body does not care how much money you have.
The anaesthetic does not know you have 200,000 Instagram followers.
Your lungs do not care that your surgeon is popular on TikTok.
Your blood vessels have never heard of ‘influencer.’
Your heart does not become stronger because you paid in dollars.
Biology remains stubbornly democratic.
Liposuction is not exactly a vacuum cleaner.
There is something psychologically funny about the phrase ‘liposuction.’
It sounds like someone is going to attach a pipe to your stomach and suck out the excess pepper soup.
No.
It is a surgical procedure.
And although liposuction is widely performed, it carries risks including bleeding, infection, blood clots, fat embolism, fluid problems and anaesthetic complications.
In that CDC investigation, liposuction was present in all 24 of the detailed fatal cases examined. That does not mean liposuction is inherently deadly. I am still struggling with a ‘nearest in meaning ‘ word or expression for that innocent-sounding procedure. But while we are searching, let us agree that
‘common’ is not the same thing as ‘risk-free.’
Paracetamol is common.
Driving is common.
Pregnancy is common.
Life itself is common.
Yet we still take precautions.
Cosmetic surgery may sound common in 2026 but it is still deadly. Oh, that word again.
I hear some people have moved further down the road to industrial silicone. That is where desperation can become downright frightening.
There have been cases of people receiving injections of substances that were never intended to be injected into the human body for cosmetic purposes.
Silicone.
Unknown fillers.
Unregulated products.
Mystery mixtures.
Some people hear:
‘It is cheaper.’
All that body hears:
‘Prepare your obituary.’
Unapproved injectable substances can cause infection, tissue damage, inflammation, vascular complications and embolism.
The cheapest cosmetic procedure can become the most expensive funeral you ever plan and death does not give refunds.
The problem is not beauty. Yes, I am old school but there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look good.
People have been decorating, modifying and enhancing their bodies since humanity discovered mirrors. Women wear makeup.
Men grow beards. People lose weight. I’m working on mine. People whiten teeth. Maybe I should too.
People have breast surgery after cancer.
People undergo reconstructive surgery after accidents.
There are legitimate medical and psychological reasons for cosmetic procedures.
The problem embarrassment begins when insecurity meets an irresponsible practitioner and a patient who has thrown caution to the winds.
Before you travel to another country to reduce or augment any body part because somebody on Instagram says, ‘My doctor is the best,’ ask questions.
Who is the doctor?
What are his or her qualifications?
What exactly is being injected?
Is the substance approved for that use?
What are the complications?
What happens if something goes wrong?
Where will you receive emergency care?
Who will look after you afterwards?
And perhaps the most important question:
‘What happens if I decide not to do this?’
Because sometimes the answer is wonderfully simple:
Nothing.
You go home.
You eat dinner.
You sleep.
You wake up the next morning.
And your backside is exactly where it was yesterday.
Your tummy is still there.
Your breasts are still yours, safely sitting or standing.
And, gentlemen, your penis has not suddenly become a national emergency.
Before you enlarge, lift or tuck it
Please remember something vanity never tells us: the body is not a tokunbo car.
You cannot keep changing parts of it simply because you feel like.
Today it is enormous buttocks.
Tomorrow it is tiny waists.
Next week it is six-pack abs.
After that, some social-media genius will announce that the fashionable thing is a completely different shape.
Will you keep cutting up yourself every time Instagram changes its mind?
Guys, please listen carefully.
Stop measuring your masculinity with a ruler.
If your entire confidence is sitting inside a measuring tape, perhaps the problem is not your penis.
Perhaps the problem is the measuring tape.
Because what happened to Tiny Ubiribo is a particularly cruel lesson: a procedure intended to enhance one part of the body ended up causing a life-threatening complication in another part of the body – his lungs.
That is the wicked irony of cosmetic surgery.
You can go to the doctor because you don’t like your body and leave with no body to complain about.
So before you enlarge it…
Before you lift it…
Before you tuck it…
Before you suck it…
Before you fill it…
Before you cut it…
Before you implant it…
Stop. Think.
Ask the doctor the questions your vanity doesn’t want to hear.
Ask about the risks.
Ask about the qualifications.
Ask about the emergency plan.
Get an independent medical opinion.
And if the answer is, ‘Don’t worry, nothing can go wrong,’
please worry.
Because in medicine, the person who tells you that nothing can go wrong is probably the person you should not let touch you.
Beauty is lovely.
Confidence is wonderful.
Looking good is delicious.
But being alive is still the finest cosmetic treatment available.
After all, what is the point of having the perfect backside if nobody can sit behind it at your funeral? Before you go under the knife, ask yourself this critical question:
‘Is this body part really worth dying for?’
If the answer is no-
Go home.
Your mirror will survive the disappointment.
And so, hopefully, will you.