Kim Atienza held back his tears as he spoke about the passing of his daughter, Emmanuelle ‘Emman’ Atienza, saying that he feels at peace knowing that Emman didn’t die in vain.
In a snippet of a tell-all interview with Jessica Soho on Saturday, Nov. 1, Kim said he already knew about Emman’s recent mental health struggles and that he always prayed to God for her happiness.
‘I’d like to think that my daughter Emman did not die in vain. Noong namatay si Emman, kasi we know that Emman is sick and she had a few attempts in the past, and my prayer to the Lord was for this to not happen, for Emman to be safe, for Emman to be happy, for Emman to heal, yet this happened,’ he said.
‘I know that nothing can happen as an accident. I know that things work out well. I know that this is planned by the Lord. This is not in vain. Emman did not die in vain. May dahilan and ang dahilan nito ay maganda. That gives me peace,’ he continued.
Two days before Emman’s death, Kim already knew there ‘was a problem’ when his wife Felicia received a message from their daughter in an emergency. Emman, however, clarified that ‘there was no self harm and [she was] at a therapy center.’
‘I knew there was a problem. She texted her Mommy. She said, ‘Mom, I’m in an emergency right now but worry not. There’s no self-harm. But worry not, I’m at a therapy center.’ We knew there was something wrong. We tried calling, hindi sumasagot. The next day, we tried calling her, hindi sumasagot. We knew,’ Kim said.
When Kim was informed by his wife about the ‘terrible, terrible news,’ he already knew what she meant. ‘On the second day, I woke up in the morning. May message si Feli, I have terrible, terrible news. Napaluhod ako. I already knew. Nanlambot ang tuhod ko. Sabi ko, ‘Lord, ito na.’ And Feli said, ‘Emman is gone.’
‘Nanlambot ako. Nanlamig ako. Ang nasa utak ko, ‘Lord, dasal ko sa’yo ‘to araw araw. Why?” he further recalled. ‘Feli flew right away to LA. I flew to LA two days after. Emman is in the Philippines right now. But I am just grieving that Emman is [gone].’
Kim started to get emotional when he admitted that losing Emman is a different kind of pain.
‘Lord, kahit bigyan mo ko ng cancer, okay [lang] eh. Madali ang physical pain. Titiisin mo ‘yun eh. Pero mamatayan ka ng anak, ang sakit. Masakit. Hindi mo alam saan nanggaling ang sakit,’ he said.
(Lord, even if you give me cancer, it’s okay. You can handle physical pain. You are willing to endure it. But when you lose your child, it hurts. It really hurts. You don’t know where the pain comes from.)
When asked how the TV presenter and his family have been coping, Kim said he raised ‘very strong kids’ and he has a ‘very strong wife.’ He then described Emman as someone who’s strong as well, however, he didn’t know that his daughter was ‘suffering’ because of her facade.
‘Malakas si Feli. Feli is a very strong woman. Ang way of coping ni Feli is taking care of the details ng wake, sa pag-aayos ng bahay namin, galing kami sa LA nang ilang araw. That’s what keeps her sane and not grieving too much. Ako ang emotional sa pamilya but I’m okay. I raised very strong kids,’ he said, adding that his children have been helping out with the arrangements in their wake.
‘Emman is very strong but I didn’t know that she was suffering because she put up a very strong and happy front. Emman was so kind. Napakabait niyang bata,’ he continued.
At the same time, Kim said grief ‘comes in waves’ and he doesn’t want to be left alone for the meantime.
‘I’m good kasi nandyan ka, may mga bisita sa bahay, I’m good. Pero grief comes in waves, minsan bumabagsak, but I’m okay. Ayokong mag-isa kasi mabigat. I look at social media because I get inspired. binabasa ko ang mga posts and I’ve seen that Emman’s death touched a lot of lives,’ he said.