Kim Atienza grew emotional as he looked back at how he was reminded that he had been a good father to his late daughter, Emmanuelle ‘Emman’ Atienza, through a letter he received from one of the latter’s friends.
In a tell-all interview on ‘Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho’ broadcast on Sunday, November 2, Kim looked back on how he accompanied Emman to the hospital after a ‘past attempt’ during the ‘first few months of the COVID-19 pandemic. He didn’t know what to do at the time, so he read the biblical book of Psalms to her.
‘The first few months of the pandemic, nag-lockdown, Emman attempted. And ang ospital n’un, 48 hours bago makakuha ng kwarto. And Emman and I were in the emergency room. I didn’t know what to do. I was praying and praying in the room and I was reading the bible to her, I was reading the book of Psalms to her constantly. Akala ko naiirita but apparently, I made an impact,’ he recalled.
Years later, Kim was informed by Emman’s friend in a letter that that particular moment had always stuck with the latter and would always use it as a reminder that things would be okay.
‘I got this letter from Sam Watson, he’s an American friend of Emman, they’re very close. ‘I have a story to tell you. I want to say with complete sincerity that you’re an incredible father. When I first met Emman in person, we started talking about mental health,” he said while reading out the letter from his phone. ”She explained to me that she had a lot of struggles and she was hospitalized after her first attempt.”
”She talked about one of the reasons it was going to be okay was you coming in and reading to her. She reminisced those parts at her weakest and how she felt a sense of family who really loved her, she talked about how much you meant to her. She spoke about all the experiences you gave her, your kindness to animals, kindness to others, hardships and overcoming them. I feel like you deserve those moments because she really, really loved you,’ he continued.
While crying, Kim said Emman never told her how much it meant to her, crediting it to children not being open with ‘expressing their feelings.’ Despite this, the letter from Emman’s friend – along with many other consoling messages – was seemingly a reminder from God that he did well as a father.
‘Kinekwento niya sa lahat gaano niya ako kamahal. But you know, it gave me comfort na nakuha ang mga sulat na ‘to on that day [we found out]. Assurance ‘to ni Lord na you’re a good father and Emman had purpose,’ he said.
‘I want to think of the beautiful things. I want to think of how beautiful she was, how smart she was, itong mga grim details, binibigay ko kay Lord ‘yan,’ he further added.
Coping with grief
When Emman died, Kim said he went through the stages of grief, although he is already at the acceptance stage. Still, he allows himself to cry because it’s a ‘healthy’ way of navigating through the wave-like sensation of grief.
‘Nagsimula ako sa questioning. And then nagkaroon ako ng konting resentment, anger sa sitwasyon. Nagreklamo ako kay Lord. Ngayon, nasa acceptance na ako. Tanggap ko na ang nangyari,’ he said. ‘Alam kong wala na siya pero kapag naalala ko ang past memories namin. kapag may naalala ka, iiyak ka. Pero kapag may dumadating na alaala, ang sakit. I allow myself to cry kasi it’s healthy. It comes in waves.’ Despite being heartbroken, the TV presenter said he is grateful for the 19 years he had with his daughter.
‘You know what I’m thankful for? The Lord gave me 19 beautiful years and not only me. God gave Emman to millions of people in those 19 years, ang daming na-inspire ng anak ko. I’m proud of my Emman,’ he said.
‘She was brave despite the fact na may iniinda siya. Nilaban niya. She was very authentic, kung anong tunay, sinasabi niya. But despite those two traits, Emman was also kind. She did everything with kindness. Ngayong wala na si Emman, just be kind. And when you’re kind today, Emman will live in our hearts,’ he continued.
After Emman’s wake, Kim said he will continue to be on leave for work, and will focus on spending more time with his family. ‘Happy ako na ‘yung dalawang anak ko nandito,’ he said, noting that they’re based in the US as well.
‘I’ll continue to be on leave habang nandito ang mga anak ko. I want to spend time with my kids and Fely,’ he continued. ‘Pagkatapos ng dalawang araw na burol ni Emman, magbo-bonding [kami].’
Kim earlier called out an ‘evangelical bully’ who said he and his wife of ‘fell short as parents,’ rebuking them for not being Emman’s ‘primary protector, teacher, and guide.’ The ‘Dami Mong Alam, Kuya Kim!’ host told the netizens that Emman was clinically depressed that resulted in her making ‘that choice.’
In a final message to his daughter, Kim expressed how he and his wife love Emman, adding that they will see her soon when their time comes.
‘Emman, mahal na mahal ka ni Papa. Papa loves you so much. Mama loves you so much. You surprised us with this last thing that you did. I just know I’ll see you soon – not too soon – but we’ll see you when our time comes,’ he said. ‘We can’t wait for that day because we’ll be with you again. Thank you for the 19 years you gave Papa and Mama, Jose and Eliana, we may not have shown you as much love when you’re alive but we love you so much.’
Emman’s death was confirmed by the TV host and his wife last October. Her wake will be held at the Heritage Memorial Park in Taguig City from Nov. 3 to 4.