Why does my landlord want to know much about me?

Landlords in the city where I currently live are an interesting lot. You would think that having enough money to pay your first month’s rent and one month’s deposit would be enough to rent a house but it is not. What they want is to know you, inside and out. The minute you indicate interest in a property the questions come at you like bullets at a protest march in our ‘democratic’ cow-ntries. How many people will be living in the house? Where do you work? How much do you earn? What is your credit history? Do you have pets? If you do, what breed of dog/cat/iguana is it? How many times a day do you have a bowel movement? What is your cholesterol level? On average, how many visitors do you receive a month?

Okay, the last three questions are not usually asked by landlords, I am just showing you how invasive they are. But this is only Part One of the examination.

Part Two is determining whether you are able to pay this rent forever more, and this is where you are most likely to fail. Normally, landlords do not care if you are doing business or digging graves, as long as they get their money every month. However, landlords here do not have the energy to play cat-and-mouse games at the end of the month. As a tenant, you have to prove that you are earning three times your rent.

If Income ÷Rent is not = 3 then the answer = X, that is, no house for you. You see, they cannot fathom the idea of you eating Indomie noodles for a whole month or walking to work because you have spent all your money on rent.

You and your money will be turned away, because they care. Brethren, this is how you can easily find yourself homeless. That is, unless you are willing to share a house with strangers of unknown mental health or live in a basement like a mole, coming up a few times a day to experience sunlight and fresh air.

God punish poverty.

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