In boardrooms, conference halls and high-level meetings across the world, Ambassador Frederieke Quispel has noticed a pattern that refuses to disappear. When the meeting begins, women are often the ones making sure everyone is comfortable, pouring coffee, taking notes or quietly supporting the discussion. By the time the real decisions are being made, many have already stepped back from the conversation. As she concludes her tour of duty in Uganda and prepares to return to The Hague, the Netherlands’ ambassador has one message for young women determined to lead.
‘Do not get the coffee, join the conversation. Stay at the table. Your ideas matter,’ Quispel urges.
Quispel believes confidence is rarely something people are born with. Instead, it is built through preparation, experience and the courage to speak, even when self-doubt whispers otherwise.
“If you have prepared, if you have done the work and if you have something to contribute, then speak,” she says. “The world needs your ideas just as much as anyone else’s.”
The advice carries extra weight because Quispel nearly abandoned her own dream before it had even begun. Today, she is ending a diplomatic assignment that caps more than two decades of service in Europe, the Middle East and Africa. She has represented the Netherlands in Rwanda, Burundi, Canada and Uganda, and will soon return to The Hague to lead the Ministry of Foreign Affairs’ Department for Sub-Saharan Africa.
Childhood
But as a teenager growing up in the eastern Netherlands, she never imagined she would one day become one of her country’s senior diplomats. Born in the western Netherlands and raised in the east, Quispel grew up in a family where public service was part of everyday life. Her mother, a lawyer, was born in Indonesia during the period when it was still a Dutch colony, while her father served as a civil servant in the Netherlands. Today, she is married to Richard and is a mother of two children. Long before diplomacy entered her life, curiosity did. She spent hours reading books about distant countries, fascinated by cultures she had never experienced and people she had never met. Those stories sparked dreams of travelling the world and understanding societies far beyond her own.
“When someone explained to me what a diplomat was, I immediately thought, ‘That sounds like the most interesting job in the world,'” she recalls.
Yet one casual conversation almost shattered that dream.
‘A neighbour once told me that only the brightest students ever made it into the diplomatic service. The message stayed with me,’ Quispel says.
Instead of testing herself, she ruled herself out.
‘I remember thinking, ‘Well, then it is probably not for me.’ Looking back, it is funny because I rejected myself before I had even tried. Many women do exactly that,’ she recalls.
Today, Quispel says many young women continue to make the same mistake, disqualifying themselves before opportunity has the chance to do so. That early self-doubt, rather than examinations or interviews, became the first real obstacle she had to overcome. Everything changed during her university years when she secured an internship at the Dutch Embassy in Amman, Jordan. For the first time, diplomacy was no longer something she read about in books. She was living it. The experience erased years of uncertainty. Encouraged by what she had seen, she applied to join the Dutch foreign service, despite believing she was not among the country’s top students. Her father even showed her a newspaper photograph of the latest diplomatic recruits.
‘I looked at that photograph and thought, ‘That is exactly where I want to be.’ I was not top of my class, but I applied anyway,’ she explains.
She was accepted and began diplomatic training before serving in several overseas postings, including Rwanda, where she had her first assignment. Looking back, Quispel says decision taught her perhaps the greatest lesson of her career.
“People will always tell you that something is impossible or too difficult, or that only the very best can make it. What I have learnt is that you should never let other people decide your limits. Give it a try first. You might surprise yourself.”
Learning confidence, the hard way
Diplomatic training followed, and with it came a new environment, formal, competitive and filled with high expectations. Like many young professionals, she quickly discovered that a room full of senior figures can be intimidating.
‘When I was a young diplomat, I would sit in meetings surrounded by senior people and think they knew everything. Later, I realised confidence and expertise are not always the same thing.’ Instead, she says, preparation became her greatest strength.
‘I prepared thoroughly. I knew my files and my briefings. When I spoke, people listened because I knew what I was talking about. Preparation gave me confidence,’ she says.
Over time, the Dutch ambassador says she has learnt that credibility is not built on volume or dominance, but on readiness and clarity.
‘You do not always have to be the smartest person in the room. Sometimes you simply need the courage to prepare and speak,’ she explains.
First posting
Her first diplomatic posting was in Rwanda, an experience she describes as formative.
‘It taught me so much. I had almost entirely Rwandan friends because I wanted to understand the country. I spent a lot of time with local people,’ she reveals. Living in Kigali also introduced her to Uganda, just across the border.
‘Kigali was much quieter than Kampala,’ she says with a smile. She adds, ‘So whenever we wanted a lively weekend, we would come to Uganda. We would fly here with friends and enjoy the music, the energy and the atmosphere.’
Those early experiences in the region deepened her appreciation of East Africa’s complexity, warmth and cultural diversity, an understanding that would later shape her work as ambassador.
Focus on girl education
Over time, Quispel’s work expanded beyond traditional diplomacy into issues of gender equality and girls’ education. She says one of the biggest challenges facing girls begins at home, long before they reach school or the workplace.
‘Very often, if a family has limited resources, the boy will be prioritised over the girl. That means girls start their lives already disadvantaged. It is not because they are less capable. It is because society often expects less from them,’ she says. For her, this inequality is not a women’s issue alone, it is a societal one.
‘We often talk about the girl child as though she is the problem that needs fixing. Men, women, boys, girls, religious leaders, cultural leaders and parents all need to be involved,’ Quispel explains.
She adds, ‘Imagine missing nearly a week of school every month because you do not have access to sanitary products. That affects confidence, attendance and future opportunities.’
Simple solutions, she believes, can have significant impact.
‘Sometimes people think development must involve massive projects. But something as simple as reusable sanitary pads can completely change a young person’s life,’ she says.
Teenage pregnancy, she adds, remains one of the leading causes of school dropouts.
‘A significant number of girls become pregnant before the age of 18, and many never return to school,’ she says.
She insists that addressing such challenges requires open dialogue.
‘These discussions can be culturally sensitive, but avoiding them does not solve the problem. Young people need information. Parents, schools and communities all need to be involved,’ Quispel urges.
THE FUNSIDE
Favorite food: Cow peas stew and chapati rolex
Outside work: Working out, playing golf
One trait that you love import to Netherlands: Ugandans are fantastic people
Habit to drop: Always regretting