September has always felt like Grandparents Month to me. With Grandparents Day celebrated in September, it is a wonderful reminder to honor the people who often love us in a way that is uniquely their own-our grandparents.
As I was reviewing and working on my personal autobiography, which I hope to someday leave to my future grandchildren, I realized how much of my childhood story was actually about my ‘grands.’
I wrote:
‘My childhood is a gift of sorts. I had many people who loved me. First is my grand aunt, Sa ko po, who sat down with me each night and each morning because my memory was as poor as an 80-year-old’s, at age 4. I had a grandfather whom I often called papa when I was young….
‘I was lucky to have relatives who always believed I could be better…I had a maternal grandmother who told me to become a lawyer and beauty queen in one lifetime. And of course, my paternal grandmother who cared for us each day-from us leaving on time for school and having a hearty breakfast each day.’
Reading my own words made me realize how many lines belonged to Angkong, Sa ko po, Amah and my Amah Inang. Perhaps it was because their love provided me with something I needed as a child. Amid family dynamics I did not always understand, these were people who made me feel safe, valued and loved.
Recently, my Amah Inang, my maternal grandmother passed away. I am deeply grateful for the relationship we shared. In my little heart, hers was the voice telling me: ‘Dream high. Be beautiful always. But remember, you are first a Mom and a Wife, so succeed, still, by respecting these dynamics.’
I remember her reminding me of this after I had my firstborn. Spending time with her always left me feeling empowered by her presence and her dreams for me.
She valued physical beauty, too. I was super boyish and constantly had bruises on my legs. From Camarines Norte, she would send pails of seawater to help lessen my scars. Meanwhile, she was always beautifully made-up and dressed, usually completed by a pretty scarf.
What impressed me most was how fiercely she protected her family, especially her grandchildren. Maybe that was why I loved spending time with her and my cousins, especially Cons and Aldrich. In my world of expected academic achievement, they were my safe refuge of another side of me-great listening ears mixed with unexpected escapades.
Amah Inang’s annual birthday parties and our holiday visits to Regina Condominium, named after her, remain happy memories. She never forgot her annual angpao for my children or our box of fruits every Christmas, even up to today.
Faith was also important to her. She supported the Church and the priests within and outside her community. During one visit when I was in my late 30s, she gave me a gold-colored Sto. Niño.
That’s why I wanted to stay in the Philippines after college because I wanted my own children to experience grandparents as part of everyday life.
I remember Papa, my father-in-law, calling Meagan every day when she was a baby. He and my very loving mother-in-law would visit, play ‘What’s your order?’ with her, and quietly sneak away because they feared Meagan would become sad seeing them leave. Then of course, there were the trips and countless mahjong sessions with my Dad.
These seemingly ordinary moments become our children’s extraordinary memories. They become their totem poles of values and love that they will look back to, especially when they face their hard moments in life.
Studies on intergenerational relationships have associated meaningful grandparent-grandchild engagement with greater happiness and resilience among older adults. More recent research also found that grandparents who were more socially and emotionally engaged with grandchildren reported less loneliness and more positive emotional experiences. The relationship can therefore be a gift going both ways.
But today’s reality is challenging. Everyone’s schedules are full. So maybe we need to become more intentional about creating moments rather than waiting for them to happen.
My simple suggestion this Grandparents Month is to prepare a ‘Grand Play Bag.’ Fill a basket or bag with portable art materials, puzzles, or simple games. During Sunday lunch or family gatherings, let a child and grandparent pick something to do together. A preschooler can color with Lola. A grade-schooler can do crafts with Lolo. Teenagers can play games with their grandparents.
Put the phones away for a while-to Talk. Laugh. Create. Listen to stories.
Play can become our family’s ‘one solution’: an activity for the child, a source of engagement for the grandparent, a break for parents, and most importantly, a bridge for meaningful conversation across generations.
Today, I am profoundly grateful for my ‘Grands,’ especially my Amah Inang. Their love became part of who I am. I am equally grateful that my children have collected their own precious memories with their grandparents.
We cannot stop our parents from growing older. But while they are here, let’s all build ‘Grand-er’ memories together today.