AS Undas fast approaches, I’m reminded of a few of the customs with which we Filipinos commemorate our dead.
Many of these are largely based on superstition. For instance, when a dead body is prepared for viewing, it is clothed in its finest, with a broken rosary wrapped around clasped hands placed on the chest. Breaking the rosary is supposed to ensure no one else in the family passes away.
While most believe that keeping the dead’s feet unshod is a way for the soul to reach heaven unencumbered, the reason is actually practical. When people die and rigor mortis sets in, it makes it more difficult to put the shoes on dead feet.
In other cultures though, shoes are a must, as they believe the soul has to be well-dressed when it meets its maker. However, most-as in the case of traditional Chinese and Koreans-will just include the shoes in the coffin, but not on their dead’s feet.
One thing our family learned from other friends who have experienced deaths in their own families, is that we aren’t supposed to usher out our visitors to the door during a wake. Escorting visitors is supposed to create a continuous succession of family members dying in succession.
Our relatives from Capiz and Iloilo, however, were befuddled with this custom. It apparently does not exist among the Hiligaynons. We found that out when we had to bury my oldest brother in Roxas City, where he lived and died. As we live in Manila, however, we actually have no choice but to practice the ‘bawal maghatid’ custom since we are constantly reminded to do so by the departing guests.
What we eschew, however, is the custom of not allowing food to be brought home from the wake. This is a no-no among many Filipinos, as they believe they are sending out negative energies, and bring death or bad luck to the people who bring home leftovers.
But I remember close friends who dropped by at our Papa’s wake, then many years later our Mama’s, and who loved the food we served for dinner. Before they went home, we would let them take home styro boxes of the dishes they enjoyed. In this day and age, we believe it’s more of a misfortune to waste good food. And because we are a family who enjoys our meals and eating out, we send these extra food to our friends, with love and only good wishes.
Meanwhile, the Filipino-Chinese among us will not celebrate any happy occasion in the year following a family member’s passing. They believe doing so will invite bad luck to the celebrant.
For instance, many Chinoy couples will reschedule their wedding to a later date out of respect for the one who had just died, especially if it’s a parent. Who wants to start off their lives as newlyweds with immediate ill luck, right? Of course, I know a couple who pushed through with their wedding plans, citing the wishes of the bride’s dad.
One of the more interesting wake/funeral traditions I witnessed earlier in the year was in Silang, Cavite. As my friends and I visited the wake of Kler’s mom, a marching band suddenly arrived playing traditional tunes for the family next door. At first, the band members were all seated whoomping, whistling and banging, then later progressed to pop tunes.
Later, the majorettes then stood and started twirling their batons and dancing, a few suggestive moves here and there, as the drums snapped and thudded, while the trumpets, trombones, and tuba loudly thumped a once popular Hagibis song.
It was quite entertaining, to be honest, reminding me of New Orleans, where funeral parades are led by brass bands and dancing. In Cavite’s case, it is apparently the marching band capital of the Philippines, and its bands enliven many town fiestas or the last day of wakes.
For the most part, the traditional way of condoling here in Manila is to slip a few hundreds or thousands of pesos to the family members of the dead, when attending the latter’s wake. In the case of Ilonggos, they bring food to the wake, even if the surviving family has already prepared meals or snacks for expected visitors.
Another first for me is a Filipino custom where a toddler, in this case my then five-year-old nephew Mikee, was passed over my brother Eugene’s casket. Mikee, of course, kicked and screamed, not understanding what was happening as we waited to bury my brother.
It was later explained to me that this is supposed to prevent the spirit of the departed to show up in the toddler’s nightmares. I found this amusing and totally out of whack. Anyone who is close to our family would know that Eugene had the most gentle of souls among us siblings, and will not do anything to haunt and scare little ones.
And what about the now-infamous pagpag? We are told that after leaving a wake, we’re supposed to stop by another location instead of directly going home. This way, we don’t unwittingly bring home any wayward spirits.
Most of us will go out for coffee, or stop by at a convenience store to buy something (or nothing at all) just to shake off those ghosts. This led to a hilarious meme supposedly started by 7-11, where it implored the public to stop using their stores to pagpag, because they were already full of ghosts! (But, no, the company never posted such a public appeal. And it never bothered to deny the meme. Hey, it’s free publicity after all!)
billboards do the job socmed
In the end, perhaps these customs are less about keeping the dead away than about helping the living cope with loss. We break rosaries, don’t escort guests to the door, keep leftover food to ourselves, and make detours after wakes-all in the hope of warding off death and bad luck.
But as I’ve learned from our own family’s experiences, grief has a way of making us hold on to whatever brings us comfort, even if it makes little sense to others. And if a little superstition helps us sleep better at night, so be it.
To be fair, no amount of pagpag or broken rosaries will really be able to keep our dead from visiting us this Undas. And if we do hear them knocking on the door, or show up at the foot of our bed, just pray they’re not expecting us to serve them dinner. Frankly, who’s gonna take home those leftovers after they leave?