Men are always told to stay strong, keep moving and carry their burdens quietly. Yet beneath the jokes, bravado and everyday routines often lie fears, doubts, pressures and emotions that rarely make it into conversation. In this candid edition, media personality Gaetano Kagwa reflects on vulnerability, stress, loss, self-doubt and the unspoken ways men navigate their mental wellbeing.
When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
Quite recently, actually. It happens a lot on the morning show with Lucky. At least once a week, there will be a moment where we laugh so hard there are actual tears involved.
How would you describe your current mental state?
With the way the world is right now, my mental state is one of amusement and fear at the same time. My current state of mind is basically; try and stay alive, stay coherent, stay organised and keep moving because the world is in such a messed-up place.
What are your silent thoughts made of?
Mostly wondering how much more money URA plans to take from me. Every time I blink, there is a new tax somewhere. At this rate, they are about to start taxing us for breathing.
A mosquito buzzing in your ear or your woman saying, ‘We need to talk’?
The mosquito buzzing endlessly. Every single time!
They say big boys do not cry. How do you deal with loss,Gae?
First of all, thankfully I am not a big boy. But seriously, men cry too. We may have grown up being told to toughen up, but we are still human beings. When things get hard, the tears come. Maybe not publicly, maybe not often, but they come.
What emotion do you find hardest to express?
Vulnerability. Opening up can feel risky because once people know where you are vulnerable, it can be used against you. So sometimes it is easier to keep certain emotions tucked away.
Wama, are men stupid?
Absolutely. We were born that way and we will probably die that way. Men have this incredible talent for taking the simplest things and turning them into complicated puzzles for absolutely no reason. They say men cannot multitask, and when we try, it can be a complete train wreck. But we are also capable of brilliance. Men somehow manage to be the smartest and the dumbest people at the same time.
What is the weirdest thing you have worried about that turned out to be nothing?
Leadership. For years, I thought managing people was not for me. I worried I would be exposed as someone who did not know what he was doing. Yet every time I have been put in a leadership role, I have handled it pretty well.
Who is the first person you call when you need to talk?
Funny I have never had to do that. I try to figure things out on my own first. However, if I absolutely had to call someone, it would probably be one of my brothers.
What is a completely harmless thing that stresses you out?
Monday. Every Sunday morning, I start thinking about Monday and immediately become stressed. Then Monday comes, I get through it and realise it was not that bad.
What is your go-to emotional release practice?
Either I will watch something hilarious like a comical movie or something on my phone, or I will go play squash. A few games of squash can clear my head faster than almost anything else. Other times, I want complete solitude so I can think, reflect and clear the mental clutter.
What makes you feel safe?
Family. Even when I do not say anything, they somehow know when something is off. They show up when I need them, even when I have not asked. It is comforting knowing they are always there in the background.
Which version of yourself brings you the most joy?
Friday evening Gaetano. That is the version that is about to have a cold one or two or three or four with the boys, unwind, laugh and enjoy life with zero judgement and zero pressure. It is beautiful.
‘The little things.’ What does that mean to you?
‘The little things’ are often not so little in reality; they quietly add up into something significant. For me, it starts with something as basic as waking up and being able to move through my day freely. Freedom can feel ordinary because it is part of everyday life, but it is actually one of the greatest things we have. You do not always recognise its value until you see people who have lost it.
The girls say when they call just to check on men, you tell them, ‘Come home.’ True or false?
A little true. Physical presence is comforting. It is nice talking on the phone, but when someone is actually there, it is different. You can talk, connect and simply enjoy being in each other’s company.
What do you wish women understood more about men?
We are generally quite simple. We do not enjoy overcomplicating things, we prefer clarity, solutions, and moving forward. If plans are made, we would rather just follow through than turn them into something heavier or keep revisiting issues that were already settled in 2010. At the core, it is the basics that matter most: feed us, clothe us, ensure the children and the family is good, engage us in things we enjoy, and we are usually okay.
Would you rather never be stressed again or never self-doubt again?
Never be stressed again. A little self-doubt can sometimes help you improve. Stress, on the other hand, just comes with headaches, grey hairs and problems nobody asked for.
Would you rather know what people think about you or never be bothered at all?
Never be bothered at all. I have reached a point in my life where I am comfortable with who I am.
What is the most misunderstood emotion men experience?
It has to do with how we as men love. Men love differently. Not less. Differently. I think there is often this expectation that men should love the same way women do, but we are not the same biologically. Women experience emotions differently, and men do too. Hormones play a role in that, so the way we process and express love is not identical.
What mental health hill would you die on?
I believe in treating others the way you want to be treated. If you do not want people to treat you a certain way, then do not treat them that way. It is really as simple as that. I will do the best I can in whatever I take on, but I do not believe in forcing what I cannot give. If I canno do something, I cannot do it. I would rather be honest about my limits than pretend. Otherwise, I would be lying to myself and to you as well. So, I try to live by that principle. Do right, be real, and let things be what they are.
What mental health coping habit should men get more credit for?
We are not really used to asking each other, ‘What is wrong?’ or ‘Are you okay?’ People often say men should open up more emotionally, and maybe that is true in some cases, but in our circles, we do not usually get too deep into each other’s personal struggles unless it is really necessary.
There is a kind of unspoken understanding among men. We know people go through things, but we do not always sit and unpack it with each other. Sometimes you only speak up when things really get to a point where you cannot manage on your own.
Some people may see that as a flaw, but it works in its own way. It is like a quiet system we understand. We do not overstep into each other’s personal space unnecessarily.
Hit us with your most totally random thought. Extra points if it could get you cancelled.
If I fart and it does not smell to me… does that mean it does not smell to anybody else? Or is my nose just used to my own farts?