Martha Kay, be honest… Range Rover ekyali yo?
This is genuinely one of the top three questions I get almost every day.
I never know whether people ask because they are happy for me or because they want to laugh at me. But one thing is for sure. I am definitely a Range Rover girl for life.
When was the last time you sat on a boda boda?
I actually sat on a boda boda two weeks ago.I had a photoshoot that day, and the photographer had a very tight window for me, so while rushing between the hairstylist and makeup artist, I got caught in insane traffic and ended up taking one. It was thrilling, and it definitely saved me a lot of time.
What is the most dramatic thing you have ever done because of love? And do not protect yourself.
I am generally not very externally dramatic. I am quite composed and not very impulsive. But I have noticed that whenever I am in love, I tend to cancel plans and stay on trips or at events much longer than I should, simply because I want a little extra time with my person.
Kiss, marry, kill: Michael B. Jordan, Maurice Kirya, and Patrick Mukasa. Explain your choices properly, please.
I would marry Michael B. Jordan because that man is fine, rich and successful. I do not know much about his character, but I think I would be set up for life.
I would kiss Maurice Kirya because everything about him feels romantic. The voice, the calmness, the whole vibe are very soft, life-coded. His face is a much-welcome plus.
Patrick Mukasa has to die.
I just looked him up on X, and apparently, I blocked him at some point. I genuinely do not remember why, but it looks like he is already dead to me.
Do you have a ‘peasant habit’ you are willing to confess?
I do not know if this counts as a peasant habit, but I genuinely enjoy Kasuku, Zubeda and Uncle Chumi TikToks. They are chaotic, hilarious and every day I learn a new Luganda word/insult I look forward to them daily.
What is one Kampala rumour you heard about yourself that even you were impressed?
At one point, people had me as the second wife of a certain government official that I had actually never met in person. Apparently, he had bought me a house and a Range Rover.
Meanwhile, I was and still I am living in my mother’s house, and at the time, I was driving a car I personally could not stand. More recently, since the weight loss, there have also been plastic surgery rumours, which honestly impressed me a little. I was like wow… Ugandans really believe in my financial capacity.
What is the most toxic thing Kampala dating has normalised?
I think Kampala dating has normalised ‘tugabane’ a little too much. People no longer care whether somebody is married or actively seeing someone else.
The new mentality is that as long as you are good to me while you are with me, the rest does not matter, and I find that really sad. Also, relationships have become very transactional.
It feels less like a genuine connection and more like an exchange. That is why so many people are bitter now. Romance is dying. I miss the good old days!
Wama, do you kneel for your man when serving him his food?
Honestly, if I really love someone, I become very soft naturally, so I cannot confidently say never. I just think those things mean more when they happen genuinely, not when they feel like a compulsory performance expected from women.
What is the brokest you have ever been?
I am actually very financially disciplined; I save 60 percent of all my earnings. But in 2023, I lived in Nairobi for almost a year without working due to health complications, so I was surviving mostly on my savings.
That is my definition of broke; when nothing is really coming in, and I have to become extremely cautious about how I spend. If I have to ask myself if I really need something, then I am broke and suffering and I know I must apply more pressure.
If all your exes sat on one table, what is the first thing they would agree on about you?
They would probably agree that I am very different privately from what people assume publicly. I’m actually very playful and easy-going.
People usually assume I am more intimidating than I actually am, so that normally surprises them.
What is one thing people think is ‘soft life’ but is actually financial indiscipline?
I think a lot of people have confused soft life with aesthetics. New hair, brunches, trips, designer bags…The moment your lifestyle is driven more by appearances than peace, it stops being a soft life. It becomes pressure.
I was once there, and trust me, it was not worth it at all. There is soooo much more you can use your money for than pleasing strangers who will scroll by in two minutes. Avoid!
What is your biggest ‘I cannot believe I did that in public’ moment?
More recently, I was seated next to a big Kenyan artiste at an event and the MC, who was on stage wearing sunglasses, reached over to greet him. Because of the shades, I genuinely thought he was greeting me.
So, I stood up to high five him at the exact same moment the artiste did and ended up knocking all the drinks over the table onto basically everybody around us while the whole event watched. (Including the Kenyan star) I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me because I could have simply remained seated and minded my business.
Which Kampala friendship red flag do people ignore too much?
I am very big on loyalty, so I find it strange how casually people speak badly about the same friends they publicly claim to love.
And nowadays, when you question it, people just say, ‘But everyone talks about everyone,’ as though that somehow makes it okay.
What is the pettiest reason you have ever stopped talking to someone?
If I have to keep explaining my jokes to you multiple times, I am going to cut you off. Life is too short, man.
In Kampala, what disappears faster; genuine friendships or that ka end-of-month salary?
That salary disappears with unbelievable confidence. It is truly traumatising.
One permanent message from your new body to your old body.
It is possible, my love. You can, and you will do this. Stop obsessing over how long it is going to take because the time will pass anyway. Put the fork down. That extra slice of bread, that soda… none of it will matter as much as the self-control you build along the way.
One day, you will look in the mirror and realise that the hardest part was simply deciding not to give up. And trust me, the pride you will feel in yourself will be worth every difficult day. Of course, the hot body is a sweet, sweet bonus. Just start. Now.