Ugandan politics remains the greatest television series ever produced. Just vibes, spicy betrayal, dramatic speeches, mysterious illnesses, and men in oversized suits pretending everything is under control while the country watches like aunties following Two Sides of Ana oba Second Chance. Anyways ,in this week’s episode; the 12th Parliament Speaker elections at Kololo. A beautiful reminder that in Uganda, the more things change, the more they aggressively remain the same.
The President arrived like the final boss of the franchise, calmly watching the machinery continue exactly as designed. The Chief Justice presided over proceedings with the seriousness of a man supervising a family meeting where the inheritance has already been decided. But the CJ was too serious , like he was unaware the audience he was in . Bro you gotta chill! Our parliamentarians might not fully represent our concerns but they are a proper sample space of Ugandans; very unserious and such chill group of God’s creation!
From the elections, the results shocked absolutely nobody. Jacob Oboth-Oboth won with the kind of numbers that make opposition candidates start questioning their career choices midway through counting. The NRM moves through elections like students entering an exam with leaked papers already highlighted. By the time ballots were being counted, Ugandans online had already emotionally accepted the outcome and moved onto the next big thing, which could be the next big party given we have a public holiday mid-week.
The timeline became obsessed with absences, vibes, and body language analysis. Ugandans investigated facial expressions the way FBI agents study crime scenes. One awkward handshake immediately became a 12-part conspiracy thread on X. A delayed smile is a sign of political tension. Uganda has turned overanalysing politicians into a full-time sport. Then there was Mao. Ah yes, Norbert Mao. You must respect consistency. The man stood there confidently with his rugby-team-sized support base and still pushed forward like a motivational speaker who refuses to acknowledge attendance numbers. He should be adopted as the spiritual symbol of persistence. People joked that Mao’s political career is powered entirely by refusal to read the room.
But honestly, you have to admire the resilience. That man wakes up every election cycle saying, ‘One more time’, with the confidence of Arsenal fans during preseason. By evening, new leaders were sworn in, speeches were delivered with practiced seriousness, and official photos were taken with the energy of people praying not to trend for the wrong reasons. Everyone shook hands firmly, smiled convincingly, and performed unity like it had a rehearsal schedule. Then, as always, Uganda moved on swiftly, almost professionally because tomorrow there will definitely be another press conference nobody asked for, another scandal with too many statements and too few answers, or another politician explaining something that somehow makes less sense after explanation.