Pity the nation that feels constrained to remind its senior citizens about elementary good manners and right conduct.
A recent social media post by actress Rita Avila went viral after she recounted an encounter with a fellow senior citizen at a movie theater.
Essentially, she recounted being at the cinema when a man seated next to her let his phone ring out loudly. She reminded him that they were inside a theater. He just said: ‘Pasensya na, senior na.’ She riposted back, ‘senior na rin ako.’
My most memorable experience with a senior citizen’s bad behavior happened inside a commuter train. That day, the train was fully packed with passengers and two high school students got shoved or ‘pranked’ into the space that is reserved for senior citizens and PWD commuters, separated only by a flimsy rope. The two youngsters were obviously embarrassed and uncomfortable. I and other senior passengers knew it was not intentional on their part, but one old lady passenger didn’t like it at all and started berating the poor high schoolers endlessly and loudly, calling them undisciplined, unruly, disrespectful and so on.
The funny thing was there was space enough for them and most of us didn’t mind them being there. At last, one elderly woman told the fulminating lady it was ok because the youngsters got reprimanded enough. But she wouldn’t ease up and only shut up when the two teeners were forced to get off at the next station. To me that old cantankerous woman is the Pinoy equivalent of the white privileged ‘Karen’ in America.
We have this tendency to give older people a pass on certain things. Matanda na kasi. The casual excuse-‘senior moment’-is being often abused as a free pass for many unacceptable behavior of elderly people. It’s everyone’s way of dismissing a shameful display of bad conduct from an old folk who ought to do better.
I don’t think age should be an excuse for behaving rudely. Advancing age does not exempt anyone from basic courtesy. What is even more concerning is the potential for younger individuals to internalize and emulate such unbecoming conduct.
Just last week, an octogenarian friend lamented the vanishing ‘courteousness and urbanidad’ among today’s youth. I told him: ‘Yes, that may be true, but many of our fellow seniors are no better. Our peers aren’t setting a good example either.’
The problem is some of us old folks are now so focused on ourselves, we have dulled our sensitivity to other people, or even lost it. We often suffer from our inability to read the room many times. We speak out of turn or say hurtful words or behave badly without the fear of being admonished or rebuked by someone older because there’s no one else older than us in the room.
Setting aside the elderly who are suffering from dementia, why do some normal elderly people decide to no longer be polite or respectful? Why do they lose their ‘filters’ as they age and fail to realize that their comments are rude, crude, or outlandish?
We were not like this before. The phenomenon of being able to act boorishly with impunity began to manifest itself some time ago. Our society got infected by the virus of rudeness and vulgarity and soon even senior citizens began to stop being kindly elders.
Remember the ex-president, himself a senior citizen, who delighted in speaking rough ‘kanto’ language in his speeches? He had no compunction to curse in public and was even applauded for it, which made him come off as being ‘authentic’ and ‘totoo.’
To me his ascension to the height of national power was the inflection point in our social cultural history, that marked our collective descent into crassness, crudeness and vulgarity. Because he could use cuss words in public without being called out, soon everything was permitted and rudeness and crassness became the new normal.
Four-letter words? Kanto language? Scandalous relationships? You encounter them on social media postings so often, they have lost their shock value. We are now a society with no filters and no restraint.
The incidents of seniors behaving badly are just a reflection of what we have turned into. The question is, have Filipinos completely lost our grasp on basic manners? I pray not.
My collective assessment is that it is not true of all senior citizens but a few who want to enjoy fully that sense of entitlement as much as they can while they still can, enforce and perpetuate a privilege, believing it is their right to be served. They know their days are numbered and they no longer have to please anyone.
It is borne out of many causes: fear, resentment, frustration, bitterness, sense of failure, and perhaps physical pain.
One thing though about seniors. Yes, they do tend to focus on themselves, but sometimes they will respond to a gentle reminder. Etiquette still resonates with many of my senior friends. I am lucky to have a wife who always restrains me when I act or speak too uninhibitedly for comfort. In creative sessions I am invited to participate, I tell the young people present to let me know if I am rude in my manner and not to take my words personally if I say something outrageous or offensive.
We seniors need to go back to the idea of senior citizenship as a time of eldership, not a time to seek and enjoy more entitlements.
We need to show our people, young or old, that we are not all crude and crass and feeling entitled. We need to let them know that having manners is still a huge factor to being a decent human being. Let’s reclaim the traditional values that have always defined the authentic Filipino character, most specially ‘paggalang sa kapwa, sa puso, diwa, salita at gawa.’