If we had to send our own stars to the Met Gala, which three musicians are you sending to represent us on the red carpet?
A Pass for his eccentricity, Maurice Kirya for international appeal, and Vinka because… she is Vinka.
Is the economy doing wonderfully where you are?
Wonderfully? Tell me about how things are on your end because I had deep breaths for dinner last night.
If someone is new to Kampala, what is the first thing they need to understand about the people?
Everyone in Kampala is friendly. Just do not mistake ‘we should link up’ for an actual plan. That is just emotional decoration.
Which Ugandan celebrity is long overdue for a styling appointment with you?
Whichever celebrities know and see my brand but have not enlisted my services are clearly allergic to nice things. I would rather we keep it that way because I am quite content with my clientele.
When it comes to Ugandan music concerts, do the outfits always have to be so dramatic? We are asking for our readers.
The dramatic outfits are necessary for entertainment because sometimes the concerts are not. One thing about the female artistes though, we are tired of the shimmery bodysuit silhouette on stage. Let it rest.
What is your most random current obsession?
The coconut water hook on TikTok.
Is Kampala dala of ‘soft life’, or are we just running on vibes?
Obulamu buli soft, depending on what you choose to show the internet. I mean, all of us are thriving according to our posts on Snapchat and Instagram.
Kati, about gym wear being worn outside the gym – stylish oba just maalo?
I think the baddies have somehow managed to normalise gym wear outside. Give a Kampala BBL baddie one of those trending gym sets and you will see.
The Kampala nightlife – what are some of the unspoken rules newcomers need to know?
Pre-gaming is necessary to set the tone of the night. Bottle service will make you feel rich until morning reality sends a voice note. If the vibe is popping, nobody goes home early. Sleep is for responsible citizens.
If you had an unlimited budget and were tasked with giving our MPs a wardrobe revamp, which MP would you start with?
I would literally have to look up Ugandan MPs to know who they are and where they represent. Following politics just to track how they dress is hectic. I guess I would go in alphabetical order – up to where the budget permits me.
Apart from the price of curtains, what other tough lessons has adulting taught you?
Loans are inescapable. I am yet to hear of a fully functioning adult Ugandan without one. And then there is black tax – as an earning adult, your salary says ‘save’ while your people say ‘we are counting on you.’
What is something small that annoys you more than it should?
The pace at which people walk here drives me nuts. Everyone moves so slowly – where is the sense of urgency?
If money was not a factor at all, how would your life look different right now?
I would live like borders are optional – breakfast wherever I wake up, lunch wherever I feel like, and dinner wherever the mood takes me. Time zones would be suggestions, and my location would depend entirely on my mood.
What is your relationship with social media right now?
Just vibes and inshAllah. For my peers, it is pure performance. Take it too seriously and you are cooked.
Any tips for surviving the dating scene in Kampala?
I might not be the ideal person to ask since I chose celibacy, but from experience: date like a detective, not a poet. Never assume exclusivity because Kampala is a shared resource. And soft-launch your feelings because this city loves a plot twist.
What do you wish someone had told you about adult friendships?
Not to use the word ‘friend’ too loosely on these streets.