Dear Diary,
I wke up tday t a wrld f terrifying pssibilities. Maybe Bugisu shuld quickly re-invent kingdm status s I can have a fighting chance at a crwn, r maybe I need t update my bi frm ‘street menace’ and squeeze ‘Queen’ int my five-year plan. Nt queen f my heart. An actual ne, with a carved stl, a title, and grwn adults bwing.
Tr has gne 31 years withut a queen. Thirty-ne! That is lnger than all my failed situatinships cmbined, plus interest. The bishp literally begged. The Speaker f Parliament ffered t pay the bride price ut f public funds like a man thrwing tax mney at a natinal crisis.
And the king just sat there, being the mst eligible unmarried mnarch in Africa fr three decades while every mther in Frt Prtal aged prematurely frm pure anticipatin.
Then ut f nwhere, step in Rebecca Amding-Rukidi, straight ut f Tes. HR Manager by prfessin, queen by plt twist. She did nt campaign, she did nt auditin, and she did nt run fr ffice. She just lved a jurnalist wh suddenly gt summned by destiny and a chatic clan vte.
And nw she is stepping nt a thrne that has nt seen a wife sitting n it since befre half f Kampala finished primary schl. Frm handling crprate grievances and disciplinary hearings t managing an entire ryal dynasty, the career transitin is ryally insane.
I d nt knw the new king frm Adam, but I respect that he just liked her as a human being. A cmpletely nvel cncept in a cuntry where sme men still cnsult a 40-man WhatsApp grup f txic uncles, ex-schlmates, and village elders befre deciding if a girl is ‘marriage material.’
Meanwhile, sme f us cannt even get a man t cmmit t a secnd date withut a whle parliamentary cmmittee sitting in sessin t debate his intentins. Wrd n the street is the future heir still technically needs t be birthed by a Mutr wman t satisfy the traditinalists. But listen, we will crss thse muddy waters when the labur pains actually start.
A whle kingdm just prved live n natinal televisin that tribal gatekeeping is a persnal chice, nt a law handed dwn by Gd Himself. If a centuries-ld ryal institutin can evlve past its tribal bundary lines during an active pwer struggle, my Aunt Kymuhend can definitely survive my next byfriend being frm Nakapiripirit.
Let’s nt pretend it is all sft lighting and sft-life crnatin rbes either.
Best Kemigisa buried her sn and immediately launched a full frensic war t keep the crwn in her direct bldline. We are talking allegatins f huse arrest, disputed Wills, and a mystery grandsn that abslutely nbdy can prduce a single phtgraph f. That is nt ‘resting gracefully with the ancestrs’ behaviur. That is a queen mther clinging t a dynasty with her acrylics and her teeth. I respect the unhinged hustle even as I clutch my fake pearls.
In the meantime, while the Babiit clan srts ut whse Will is real and which relative actually exists, Rebecca is ut here realigning. New in-laws having a full public meltdwn n natinal news, a kingdm mid-successin crisis. As a crprate HR armed with a Master’s degree, crprate discipline, and UN experience, navigating a ryal cup is prbably just anther frantic Tuesday at the ffice fr her.
Hi Queen Rebecca. Teach us yur ways. Specifically, the part where yu walk int a high-stakes family war yu did nt start and casually leaving with the thrne.
Technically, this is n guide, but if Becky did it, s can yu, Baddie!
Yurs, currently updating my LinkedIn prfile t ‘aspiring ryal, pen t immediate relcatin,’