Kulika school fees week, how many times did you attempt to run away?
Run away? I am the Old Testament stock of men, we do not run away; we face the Red Sea.
You have the name, yes. Naye nga oli kyamagero kweli?
A name is inherited. Character is earned. Many people carry great surnames. Few carry the responsibility attached to them. Every morning life asks, ‘Have you grown into your name yet?’ I am still answering that question.
Let’s talk skeletons in your closet, biki byokwese?
Nze, at my age I have discovered that the skeletons in most closets are not scandals. They are abandoned versions of ourselves. The business we never started. The apology we never made. The person we should have forgiven. The risk we were too afraid to take. The cemetery is full of dreams that were never attempted.
You are tasked with planning the ultimate boys camping trip. Which three politicians are making the list?
One from government, one from opposition, and one independent. Then I take away all their phones for 48 hours. If they survive each other without microphones, perhaps there is hope for the country.
What’s the most ridiculous reason you have seen Ugandans and Kenyans go to war over online?
Chapati. Mukwano, the continent that gave the world kingdoms, empires, minerals, innovation, music, and culture has reduced itself to debating flour. Meanwhile other countries are discussing AI.
What is the one fashion trend you tried once and quietly never repeated?
Skinny jeans. Gwe, there are certain battles a man should not fight. One of them is competing with circulation. I reached a point where removing the trousers required strategic planning.
As a married man observing from the sidelines, what is the most confusing thing about dating in 2026?
Many people are looking for a spouse while still negotiating with wounds they have not healed from. We have a generation seeking a covenant from a place of survival. People are asking, ‘Who will love me?’ before asking, ‘Have I become lovable?’ People want emotional safety while remaining emotionally unavailable.
If you were single today, what would scare you more: dating apps, talking stages, or being discussed in a podcast afterwards?
The podcast. At least heartbreak used to be private. Today your disappointment can trend before lunch. Imagine trying to recover from rejection while strangers are analysing your personality from three screenshots and one voice note.
What is something you are officially too old to understand but keep pretending you do?
People recording themselves crying. Nze ndowoza if I am crying, my first thought is not, ‘Where is the camera?’ My first thought is, ‘Where is the tissue?’
You have one rare opportunity to take charge of Uganda’s X timeline for one day. What is the first account you are muting?
Any account whose primary source is, ‘Trust me.’ Uganda has suffered enough from confidence without competence.
You receive a call and on the other line is Namere asking you to be her PA. Ozilya?
‘Would I take the job?’ Absolutely. Not because I want to be a PA. Because Uganda has taught me that some opportunities are jobs, and some opportunities are documentaries.
Being Nameere’s PA would be the only job where your weekly report sounds like a Netflix trailer: ‘This week we survived three controversies, four rumours, six WhatsApp screenshots, and one national debate. Productivity was excellent.’
If you were to write a thesis on the current fuel prices, what would the title be?
‘From Point A to Point B: An Economic Journey Through Grief.’ Nowadays you do not fuel a car. You negotiate with it. You put 20K and both of you pray.
Complete this sentence: ‘If you really want to understand Uganda, spend one hour in a taxi park, one hour on X, and one hour…’
At a village funeral. The taxi park teaches you economics. X teaches you opinions. The funeral teaches you humanity. And between those three places, you will discover that Uganda is not one country. It is many countries sharing one flag.
If you could sit down with any personality, dead or alive, for a two-hour interview with guaranteed honest answers, who would you choose and why?
My grandfather. Not because he was famous, but because nations archive history in books and families archive history in old people. Every African family has stories that disappeared because nobody asked questions before the elders left.
Not every woman is wife material. Discuss.
And not every man is husband material. The tragedy is that many people evaluate marriage the way they evaluate fruit in a market. They look for beauty. Marriage is not a beauty contest. Marriage is a nation-building project. In African thinking, marriage was never merely about romance. It was about continuity, identity, legacy, stability, and partnership. The question is not, ‘Is she wife material?’ The question is, ‘Can she carry responsibility?’ And before asking that, every man should ask, ‘Can I?’ Because marriage does not test love.
Marriage tests capacity. Love starts the journey. Capacity carries it. Communication protects it. Character sustains it. Shared vision grows it. Beauty survives photographs. Character survives Tuesday. And marriage is mostly Tuesdays. The strongest marriages I know are not built by perfect people. They are built by two imperfect people who keep choosing the same future, again and again, especially on Tuesday.
What is the funniest way your success has inconvenienced you?
The day people believe you are doing well, your phone becomes a community project. Suddenly every emergency in the district has found your number. You become an ATM, career coach, therapist, marriage counsellor, motivational speaker, and transport solution. I once realised people were more aware of my potential than my limitations. Success teaches you something important: access is not ownership. Just because someone can reach you does not mean they are entitled to you.