As a follow-up to the write-up on ‘Handling husband’s greatest need in Marriage’, and for the purpose of fairness and balance, I want us to consider what the greatest need of a wife in marriage is. After all, what is good for the goose is also good for the gander. The joy of both principal partners in marriage should be of utmost desire.
To the wife, her greatest need, which is a loud cry of the heart towards her husband, is love. She watches out for it before saying ‘I do’ at the altar. She expects to enjoy it in her marriage and craves it in the marriage. So, whoever gives her love is the one she goes with in the journey of life, and in the issue of sex. That’s why she wants sex as ‘love making’, while her husband enjoys sex as sex, with or without love.
Any husband who wants to satisfy his wife must, of necessity, prove to her that he loves her. He must not only love her – he must let her feel that love, convincingly. That is, love must not only be shown to her; it must be seen to be shown to her. If she does not feel it, then it’s not love – even if the whole world sees it as love. Maybe the phrase, ‘Love is in the eyes of the beholder’, becomes relevant here.
It follows, therefore, that the love-cry differs from one wife to another in terms of delivery. That is, what means love to one wife may not communicate love to another. It’s like a case of ‘one man’s meat is another man’s poison.’
Every husband must, therefore, discover what love means to his wife and convincingly convey it to her. Otherwise, the cry for love from her to him continues to get louder and louder as the day goes by.
How to communicate love to your wife
This should be wrapped around attention, provision, protection and projection.
What you say
What do you say to give her attention? Do you tell her how beautiful she is and how she carries herself, how you will go to any extent to provide for her needs, protect her in all situations? Words mean more to a wife than the husband. It’s not just enough to love your wife by acts – it must be verbally communicated to her. She can never be tired of hearing ‘I love you’ from her husband. And if she doesn’t hear it from him, she gravitates towards whoever and wherever she hears it from. So, husbands must spare no effort in verbalising their love for their wives.
What you do
In all that a husband does, he must communicate attention, provision, protection, and projection to her. Your gestures of love must prove that you give her attention. For instance, when you are walking into the house, an event, or going for an outing, saying to her, ‘Be careful not to hit your head on the stairway’, ‘Watch out for that pothole’, or pulling her away from falling into a gutter or ditch, will show her how loving you are towards her. Defending her against verbal outbursts from others communicates protection, while singing her praises as a good wife and virtuous woman projects her to others in a good light.
What you gift her
Buying gifts for your wife is a good way to communicate love to her. Every one of us as humans appreciates gifts, though in diverse ways. No wife will not like it when her husband showers her with gifts. The disposition could be different depending on what her love language(s) is/are. But she will always see it as an act of love, communicating attention (you have her at heart), provision (you are providing for her needs), protection (from ridicule) and projection (worthy of being celebrated with gifts). The value of the gifts is not as important as or more important than the act of having her in mind. So, the gifts should be commensurate with the size of your pocket.
How you look at her
Do you keep your gaze on her constantly as she dresses, moves, and walks into an event, or are you turning your head at the sight of other women or ladies? We all know that men are moved by sight. So, how much you allow her looks or presence to hold your attention portrays to her how deeply you love her. I have witnessed wives scolding their husbands for committing ‘lookery’ at other women, right in front of them.
Husbands must be deliberate in avoiding a second gaze at the opposite sex when the wife is there, especially while driving. It’s not funny to the wife when her husband’s head turns at the sight of other women.
How you present her to others
Projecting your wife in providing for her wardrobe, singing her praises as a responsible wife, not wanting her to come to any harm, etc., are ways to promote her image. I love the male easterners in Nigeria. They don’t spare efforts in projecting their wives, especially in terms of dress. They generally showcase their wives through dressing. Speaking glowingly of one’s wife is an act and communication of love to her.
The above are just pointers to the ways of communicating love to the wife as a way of meeting her greatest need in marriage. If you don’t meet her need for love, all other things you do are seen as wasted efforts. So, let husbands go all out to meet the love need of their wives.
You can avail yourself of copies of my books, ‘Enjoying Great Sex Life’ and ‘How To Help Your Wife Enjoy Sex’. Please, contact 08112658560 for details. SMS only.