I got the motivation for this write-up during the week through an online cartoon showing a husband telling his wife that it had been four weeks of no sex, and the wife was refusing him again on the excuse of being tired. What a frustrating look the husband wore at that point. I quickly latched on to the inspiration for this write-up as a way of helping those of us who may be passing through sex starvation in our marriages.
Let me start by emphasising again that sex is the life wire of every marriage. It’s one of the usually canvassed purposes of marriage. Not only that, but it’s also the only activity between husband and wife that cannot be willingly delegated to others. It is strictly duty-bound for married couples to engage in sex as often as possible.
However, experiences of sex starved marriages abound, especially with wives being the greatest culprits in this wise. Many husbands are ever complaining of being at the mercy of their wives for sexual intimacy. It involves pleading for sex and promising gratification due to inadequate sex or total starvation. This is not healthy for marriage, and we need to do all to navigate through it.
The following are factors that influence wives to starve their husbands of sex.
Poor sexual advance strategies
Sex is a thing that should be approached appropriately in dealing with women if you will experience mutual sexual pleasure that will make sex not to be an occasional thing. This is due to the way a woman is wired. She needs to be prepared ahead to engage in sex. She is not cut out for the fire brigade approach to sex. Many men just want to jump into bed for sex with their wives at the slightest opportunity without consideration for her feelings or whether she will enjoy it or not.
A wife told me that anytime her husband wanted sex, it used to be a soldier-like approach. He would just pounce on her at will. Or he would just call her to undress and climb up the bed.
Emotional Distress
When a wife is emotionally drained by the attitude of a husband towards her, she will not have energy to engage in sexual activity with him. That’s why I always counsel husbands not to subject their wives to emotional strain. An unhappy wife will never be in the mood for sex with her husband. She sees him as an object of oppression, so there is no emotional connection for sex between them.
Therefore, if you’re sex starved by your wife, review your attitude towards her. Are you making her happy or subjecting her to emotional stress? This is what determines her sexual mood for you. Sex is a thing of the mind, especially for her. When she is happy, she responds positively to your advances; but when she is sad, she closes up to you.
Financial stress
A marriage in which money is a problem, due to its insufficiency, will be sex starved. One of the things that makes a wife unhappy is lack of or insufficiency of money. When the marriage suffers from insufficient money, she is emotionally unhappy, and as such, sexually inactive. That is when the remark, ‘Don’t you know more than sex,’ becomes her regular phrase. A hungry wife is an angry actor in the bedroom. You can’t have or enjoy sex with her.
Poor Sexual Experience
The height of sexual experience for a woman is orgasm. A husband who does not take his wife to orgasm regularly will suffer sexual starvation. This becomes more apparent if she had experienced orgasm with someone else before getting married. It means she already knows the sweetness of sex and will be looking forward to the same in her marriage. So, when she doesn’t experience it with her husband, she becomes irritant to sex with him. She begins to avoid sex with him instead of looking forward to it. This experience of a wife makes her easily susceptible to sexual temptation.
Another dimension is that if she is inexperienced about sex, and hasn’t experienced orgasm before her marital experience, any slight slip into extramarital sexual experience, leading to orgasm for her, will become one which she craves, rather than the boring one with her husband.
Physical exhaustion
Housekeeping could be energy-sapping. That’s why career wives spend a fortune on securing the services of house keeping staff, especially when their husbands can’t afford it. So, when yours is a marriage in which the wife does all the house chores, without a helping hand from the husband, the daily life of the wife can’t but be a case of energy-sapping. Such a wife will naturally feel exhausted, especially if she combines this with her job or business. Hence, it’ll not be out of place if she starts evading sex regularly. Not that it’s right, but it becomes an inevitable act with her situation. The body will be regularly non-responsive to sex due to exhaustion. Hence, sexual starvation becomes the fate of a marriage operating in this mould.
Other factors such as trauma, poor health habits, and unfriendliness, among others, will inhibit the free flow of, or regular sex in marriage.
Any married couple that’ll enjoy regular sex rather than starvation must, as of necessity, be intentional about navigating the waters of these factors with reference to the wife. Otherwise, the wife will become an unwilling horse in the matter of sex in the marriage.
You can avail yourself of copies of my books, ‘Enjoying Great Sex Life’ and ‘How to Help Your Wife Enjoy Sex’. Please, contact 08112658560 for details about the books. Sms only.