Two years ago today, this writer was discharged from the Philippine Heart Center after a total of 38 days in two hospitals, a heart procedure and great care from the medical staff. After having been clinically dead and subjected to various stresses and even hallucinations from too many drugs in a private hospital, we finally received the attention and expertise we needed. The miracle that we experienced came more from the superhuman support that we received from several government agencies, private corporations, my best friend and partner, my brothers from Ateneo High School batch 1982, and even total strangers. As I say now, I’m happy to be here. I live gratefully, by the grace of God and the kindness of my friends.
Of course, there are changes that one has to live with after such an experience. No more lifting weights, no contact sports (goodbye, basketball), and constantly checking blood pressure. Most importantly, no standing up suddenly. Having 70 percent heart function means taking it slow, warming up more gradually.
But perhaps there is also something significant that has changed, something which may be of service to my fellows, particularly our gallant athletes. Having come out from the other side of death, I have gradually told myself that fear is an illusion. It doesn’t exist. Fear manifests itself in many conscious and subconscious ways. But recent research has shown that a staggering 85 percent of what we fear never happens. Fear lives rent-free in our minds. I try to tell myself: I’ve been dead; what is there to be afraid of?
In the 1980’s, an international survey revealed that the world’s greatest fear was speaking in public. Death was only third. Imagine that. (Today, terror would probably be misplacing your cell phone.) This means that teachers, businessmen, entertainers, broadcast media have all overcome the world’s greatest fear effortlessly. With fear, we panic, we choke, we freeze, all different default ways we wrestle with fear. Our minds go blank. We forget our training. Inevitably, we calm down after the big game, big shot, big opportunity. But many times, we’ve already botched the moment. But what if the worst that can happen is out of the picture?
Obviously, you don’t need to die to become more or less fearless. It’s all in your head. And from what I can tell you, it was peaceful. Regardless of your faith, there is a presence within death that envelops you, assures you, loves you. Take it from me, knowing that can give you courage that you covered up with all the baggage the world passed on to you.
So if you’re taking that big shot, making that huge play, going for the win, attempting that record, or simply doing something for the first time, you have absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Embarrassment was created by humans; there are no failures, only lessons. If you have belief that you are connected to a higher power and have full faith in your capabilities, you will be fearless, and by extension, limitless.
Having been dead, I’ve learned that there’s nothing to be afraid of.