Yes, I do read children’s books, because there is still a little Jane inside me who wants to enjoy things like children do. I want to retain that childlike wonder that I think adulthood tries so hard to steal from us. I am trying to hold on to it by reading children’s books, just like how some of you can’t stop watching cartoons.
This time I took myself into the life of Annie in Birdsong by Katya Balen. Annie loves music. She lives for music, which is why she can hear it all around her as long as she pays attention. Just like how we can see beauty all around us if we try to be in the now. To experience life as it happens.
But seven months ago, everything changed for Annie when she had a car accident and injured her hands. The same hands she uses to play the music she hears from the world on her flute. Annie feels like her world has shattered, just like the glass during the accident.
‘When I played, the whole world faded away.’ This is how much music meant to Annie. I think of the things that matter to me this much and how my world would change if I could no longer access them. I think of my freedom to be or not to be. To do or not to do. I think about books. And the things I care about with my whole being.
On top of Annie losing her music, her mother loses her job. A job that allowed them to keep their house. Their home. Now they have to move to a new place. New neighbourhood, new life altogether.
Annie is giving up on things she used to enjoy. ‘I don’t want to see anyone from school. I don’t want to watch TV. I don’t want to read a book.’
As all this happens, I think of Annie’s mother. We don’t get to learn about her thoughts or how she is navigating all this. Her child losing her curiosity about life. Her smile. Losing the job that helped her take care of Annie. The change must have been a lot for her too.
Annie’s life starts to change one day when she goes outside to see the boy she has been watching from her flat’s window. This is when she meets Noah, a boy with fingers full of mealworms that he feeds to the blackbirds.
Noah invites her to the bush to see the birds but warns her to be careful. ‘Be quiet and careful. They don’t know you yet.’
Yet. It takes time for people to trust you. It takes effort and patience, especially when you are trying something new. Even when starting a friendship.
The two birds, just like Annie, collect music from all around them. The female is laying eggs, and Noah tries to protect them. One evening, he doesn’t show up, and a fox eats the male bird. The female loses her partner and her music too.
Annie sees herself in this bird. She starts going to the garden before Noah arrives and tries singing to her. The two of them start to help each other find their voices.
‘We had to find our music again. It was wrapped up in fury and anger and pain and sadness, but it never left us. It’s magic.’
I have come to learn that time alone doesn’t heal every wound. It can give you room to accept what happened and do something about it. Whether that is talking about it or giving yourself permission to try again.
Before the accident, Annie was planning to apply to a music school. Now she is scared that she won’t be able to play again.
‘Music was everything to me before everything changed. And now it might be nothing, and I won’t be able to do it. It’s easier not to try,’ she tells Noah when he asks why she doesn’t play anymore.
But Noah hears her singing to the female bird and encourages her to apply to the school. Because he could see how good she was at it and how happy she seemed when she sang.
Yes, Birdsong is a children’s book. But it is so heartwarming. So hopeful. I needed such a reminder, especially this week when it felt like trying didn’t make sense. This is what books do for me. For us. To show us that it is still okay to keep trying. And that we all need that one friend to remind us that we can still try.