You have fallen in some ka money. your miserable days are over! What will be the signs?
A sleek Jeep Wrangler with a chauffeur. I am not about to shout at bodas in traffic when I can just sit back, shades on, sigh as I enjoy being driven around. Expect ‘my driver is waiting’ moments every chance I get! Also, some occasional splurging that will attract ‘ashawo’ allegations, but we move!
Your phone is firing up. You are a trending topic on X. what did you do this time?
Probably got arrested again or called out a popular hangout spot as a poor choice for a first date. The men on X are yet to forgive me, but I am still standing 10 toes on that; anyone taking you to Kyadi for a date is not into you like that. Bring back shame!
If you could swap lives with one influencer for 24 hours, who would it be?
Kim K. Hate or love her, she is a powerhouse. Closer to home; Mrs Matovu. Luxury travelling has never looked that good. She will have covered three continents before you can convince your girls’ group chat to pick a destination.
One thing you do so well it should count as cardio?
Cooking. For something that adds calories, I should be getting way more out of it.
You are walking into studio late. again. What is your go-to excuse?
TV: ‘It was the make-up artiste who delayed me.’
Radio: ‘The car died, took a minute to jumpstart it.
PS: If my boss sees this, it is a joke.
It is 2am, there is a knock at your door. Elijah Kitaka is standing there with a bouquet. are you letting him in for ka chai and doughnuts oba dialing ‘Julius Swangz’?
Ka coffee, and I am baking the doughnuts. We will notify Mr Julius in the morning.
A dream you have that even you know is delulu?
Finding love in Kampala. The dating pool is absolute pits.
If we opened your bag right now…
You would find receipts dating back six months. I do not know why I keep them or never throw them away.
Which food would you 100 percent fight someone over for the last bite?
A good lasagna! Omuzungu yakola lasagna banange!
You are late to an event and realise you forgot your phone. On a scale of one to 10, how bad is your panic attack?
Five. My phone is my office. Without it, the day is ruined.
Which influencer gives you ‘we would either be besties or fight at brunch’ energy?
Fictional, but Emily in Paris. We would both love a good croissant, but her dating choices drive me nuts.
Most random life lesson baking has taught you.
That great things in life are a sweet labour of love and patience. You have to find joy in what you do while staying patient with yourself.
Chapati or croissant?
Croissant! Tonyumiza chapati! It was a staple growing up, and I made it for my father every day until I hated it. A dinner table without chapati? War! Plus, have you ever seen chocolate inside a chapati? See!
KFM studio or Sweet Treats studio?
KFM Studios. I leave radio laughing my heart out daily. I leave TV with my feet aching after hours of cooking.
Your weirdest food combo that actually slaps?
An Oreo Krusher and KFC chicken wings. I used to think White people were crazy for pairing sweet drinks with fries and chicken, but that combo slaps hard enough to make calories feel like a social construct.
If you could delete one thing from adulthood…
Bills! You have just sorted your monthly expenses, then your car breaks down and needs a new part. Before you can breathe, someone back home needs help with theirs. Why can’t we be born with money in the bank?
Your most random saved TikTok or reel?
A guy mimicking news anchors, asking where they even get those accents and hand gestures from while staying in full character. It kills me every time.
One thing you will always bargain for…
Electronics. The day I learnt you can actually bargain for them if you have cash, was the day I levelled up. I just need to master that African parent level of bargaining, impressive and embarrassing.
WhatsApp groups I have secretly muted?
So many. I have lost count. I do not even exit them.